The Art Of Comeback

The Art of Comeback

I have been preaching confidence, success and ideologies of “making it” in the world for almost a decade now. And needless to say I have based about 95% of these on my own personal experiences, all the way from my childhood to the point of my early adulthood now (I am entering my 30’s a different man as we speak!). And you know what? Finally I have had to face up to the music when my personal empire came crashing down. I lost my business, I lost my fiancee, I lost my income and I almost lost my mind (I am serious guys, I was on pill’s and stuff). Downtime as I would like to call it is not fun. It feels like I came to screeching halt from a top speed of 300 kilometers an hour, and the momentum just struck me like a derailed train at a thousand miles a second; trust me that is not a fun feeling!
So what do you do?
This is what I did, a simple 5 step recovery process.

Step 1
Take in a huge and deep breath. Do this a few times, do it. Am not kidding, the extra influx of oxygen to your brain will actually calm you down. Now that you are calmer, admit that you have failed. I am serious, and this is not as easy as it sounds, especially if you have been a high flyer. We are our biggest critics, and to go over the ego to admit that you have failed, phew that just requires an immense amount of gung-ho on our part.
So just say
“Damn it! I Fucked up! Now what?”
As soon as you have this out of the way, we can move on to step 2.

Step 2
Start accessing the level of damage that has been done, first financially, then emotionally and then mentally. Do this in the order written.

Why?

Because you don’t want to know that you are broke and depressed at the same time cause that will make you lose your mind. So access the financial loss. Calculate the total of your debts. Then contact the individual debtors and strike a deal with them to pay them back at your minimum best. They will come to terms with your suggestion, because it’s tough times for everyone. If you go down, they will to. So be nice, don’t dodge their calls and be honest about your current situation and explain your plan to them.

Good.

Finance’s sorted out.
The debts anyway. Now look for an immediate source of decent income. If you have lost your job, immediately sign up with head hunters and look for jobs. If you still have a job, congratulations. Do your best to keep it! For business people, well, just try to stay afloat till you reach the shores.
Now to sort out the emotional train wreck. This is as important if not more than the other 2 topics. Reason being, you have to figure out what is the lesson that is to be learned from this disaster, or it will keep repeating itself until you learn from it. There is an extremely simple way of sorting this out. Take a piece of paper or a notebook if you will, and write. Write to your heart’s content on how you feel, why you feel this way and who or what made you feel this.

Write it all out.
Trust me, it’s therapeutic. If you want to, write a blog.

Good, first exercise done. Let it sit in for a few days.

Now it’s time to make a new set of rules or modify the older set of rules. I call it a personal commandment. But when you make the rules, make sure you obey the rules and enforce it. A rule that is not enforced is just a word. Enforcing and obeying it, makes that word powerful. So make the rules, obey the rules and above all enforce it! Modify it only if needed, but if you were confident on making the rule, then modifying it is just an act of insecurity or fallacy.

Don’t lie to yourself.

Make it into a placard and view it every day,
once when you wake up and once before you go to sleep.

DO IT !

DO NOT PROCRASTINATE !

Next we move to the mind, or the mental part of this step. Your mind and body is connected via your spirit or your soul if you would like to call it that. If you belong to a religion, this is an excellent opportunity to know and understand what your holy books or book has been preaching.
Read it from an objective point of view. You will begin to see similarities in your life based on the adventures of the people in the book. But if you can pick up the sarcasm in my writing,then you are like me and most likely you believe in a supreme force in the universe and would rather follow you own doctrine.

Well that works too.

The key to this is meditation. Meditate frequently once or twice a day, for about 5 to 10 minutes. When I said meditate, I do not mean think through all that you have screwed up. Think of what you want now,
think of the peace and joy you want to attain,
the monetary success, the fame and the fortune.

Do this frequently for 7 days, then 14, then 21 days.

I can guarantee you; you will shift your mindset from one of misery to one of optimism, even if it is very light and minor.

Ok that’s it for part 1 of this lecture. I will be posting the other 3 parts, in a couple of days or so.

DO these exercises! I paid in many ways (body, mind, soul and material for these lessons)
I am doing this purely to do my part to help the world that I know, heal.

So heal.

Heal the world,
Make it a better place,
For you and for me,
And the entire human race – Michael Jackson

It happened ... In Phi Phi Island - Literary Fiction Novel -

It happened ... In Phi Phi Island - Literary Fiction Novel -

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Mistakes, So What . It's Human

We all make mistakes.

You do it.

I do it.

Everyone does it.

So why is it such a big deal? A mistake is a big deal when we don't know it is one. But as soon as we realize it, hey, then learn the lesson and move on.

As people we make mistakes in many facets of our daily life. I would like to share a recent mistake that I did. This involves a more personal view point, but I will omit details and names, so you, my fellow readers (if there are any, at all! HAHAH!) Can focus to the point at hand and not the juicy gossip!

Well, I recently got involved with a new romantic interest in my life. Now, I never in a million years would have thought that this particular entanglement would happen to me, because I am a no conflict kind of person. I am the guy who will ignore the hottest girl at the club, simply because I know there are 20 other odd guys hitting on that person. She doesn't need another guy, telling her how beautiful she is. So all my life I have avoided situations like this, and have always opted for a drama free relationship. Now I believe that life hands you various lessons. And the more you have to tell the world, life will throw you more opportunities for you to learn. If you don't learn, it will keep throwing you the same thing over and over again, until you learn from your mistake kinda like that movie Groundhog Day (Watch it!).

Now anyway, I got into this whirlwind romance and it was just that, a whirlwind. I was happy, I was sad, I was miserable. All the things you would equate with being in love. Then I realized, much later. I was not in love, well not entirely.

You see, I have a problem. All this while I have never been myself entirely in a relationship, because, I was afraid of that side of me, the soft emo guy side. So I always had this control of my softer side. But this time around I was vulnerable on many other aspects, and that side of me was fully out and released. The only thing was that, it came out in the open with the wrong person.

Now I could be bitter and build a wall around my emotions again, but if I do that, this whirlwind will keep happening over and over again. Over the weeks I began to realize many new things about myself, facts that was new, facts that were long forgotten. I was reborn again and again. It hurt every time it happened, but I learned. And the more I learned the better it felt.
I am much more in tuned with my emotions now, I may not be entirely comfortable with it, but am learning and dealing with it.

What I learned from my experience is this. We all make mistakes. But hey like a friend of mine said, that's why pencils are made with rubbers on the back. People make mistakes and we know they will make mistakes. So erase it and start with a clean slate, but don't do the same mistake twice because as far as superstitions go, what happens once will never happen again, whatever happens twice will most definitely happen for the 3rd time.

So as a rule of thumb,

this is what you should do,

if you don’t want to keep hitting the same pot hole in your life.

1. Take a pencil (make sure there is an eraser at the back) and a piece of paper

2.Write down what made you do this particular mistake

3.Take note of how honest you were with yourself in answering this, there is no greater judge

other than yourself.

4. Write down what did you learn from this experience

5. Write the outcome as a rule in your life of what not to do

6.Enforce the rule!

7. Update the rule if needed.

That's it.

Life is pretty simple as long as you know how to deal with it.

"Nothing is by coincidence,

there is a purpose for everything

that happens in life."

Talk is cheap, or is it?

Finally am back after a long long, hiatus. I was actually really busy and free at the same time, but that's details for another blog entry. Let me get through this one first.

What do i mean by "talk" ? I do a whole lot of talking in my life. Being a trainer , therapist ,actor, director, producer, all aspects of my life involves an immense amount of talking. So people would say things like," oh he is a great talker","his words inspire me" and so on and so forth. Well this is not me blabbing bout myself, so read on. The truth is, I am a listener. I am always tuned to frequencies of people, by listening. My experience as therapist is rather new, (4 years at the max). But the important thing i found out is that people just want someone who will listen.

And no one ever just does that! Everyone insists on delivering their point of view, so much so that they are always overlapping one another in their communication. When you listen to what people have to say, i mean really listen, the smallest answer you give to them in return will be worth it's weight in gold, simply because they know whatever next that comes out of your mouth will be influenced from what you have listened.

It may bore you sometimes, but by learning to communicate this way, i have discovered the world to be a better place. All that people want is someone to listen to their view, You don't have to like it, or even respond to it.

Just listen!

Everything and everyone is always telling us something. Just close your mouth and open your ears, and really listen. This single action will transcend ones existence into a higher plane, because now, you have fulfilled one of your many destinies for being born as a human being, to lend ones ear to another beings plight. Your ears do not belong to you, they belong to all those who need to talk. So listen, talk may be cheap, but failing to listen just makes it worthless.